What I've learned through my experience

Given that I hold a view of life as a series of conversations, I reflect on my experiences as different kinds of conversations with different people at different times during my life and theirs. On one hand, I could elaborate on how these conversations were so distinct and unique depending on whether I was in my role as an oncology nurse caring for a dying patient or whether I was in my corporate role coaching a leader. But, what I have found to be most fascinating is that, while the content may have been vastly different, the essence of these conversations was surprisingly similar.

At some level, it seems we are afraid of losing something. We fear losing control, losing our image, losing our ability to influence others, losing aspects of our identity that we have worked so hard to create and, thus, cling to so dearly. We fear letting go of that which we have come to believe defines who we are.

We fear not being right, not being heard, not being understood, not being respected, accepted or loved.

We fear that we are not living in the “right” way or the best way to ever have enough, achieve enough, or mean enough. In fact, we fear that we are not enough.

Overall, it seems we fear what will happen if we keep hanging on to life as it is and yet, we have just as much fear as to what will happen if we let go.

When we seek support, it is relatively rare that we come with a clear articulation of these fears. Instead, these fears manifest as a chronic dissatisfaction or disappointment with the world around us which, in turn, is expressed through conversations or, more specifically, complaints about our relationships, our jobs, ourselves, and our lives in general. Over time this can lead to tremendous pain.

In my experience, when we are in pain — be it physical, emotional or spiritual… the world around us tends to get very small, our focus becomes quite narrow, and reasonable solutions seem non-existent. My aspiration is to create a sense of spaciousness around these experiences. It’s like the relief that comes when we rediscover our breath in a situation that feels claustrophobic. In this spaciousness, we can begin to expand the possibilities that allow us to show up as who we truly are, be present to life experiences no matter how difficult, tell the truth to ourselves and each other in a way that can be embraced, and learn how to let go with wisdom and grace.